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Day 6 – More Marcus…

February 16, 2012

Hey Soul, I missed you. I was deep, deep, deeply in Whitney Houston Concert mode. Still hurts, still emosh, very big sigh.

But anyway. Where was I? Oh yes. Marcus…who said he could only treat me shallowly, and I apparently agreed…I said I wasn’t ready to get in deeply with someone because my EX took too much, and now I needed someone to just give…and until I found that someone, I needed to have sex.

Okay nah…if I say it like that, then I’m giving the impression that it was all perfect and mutual and above board.  And you know Soul that it’s not that simple, never ever never.

We met in a club. I was drunk because of my work-pal. She’s cool.  If she were one of the girls and in the competition she would be fourth I think, but anyway. I met Marcus in the cluurrb and I was drunk because of Cassie.

 

I was confident, because drink makes me forget that no one don’t love me, and the videos don’t love me.

So with all my drunken confidence, I went up to Marcus, even though he was cuter than life and did not look like he would ever love someone like me…The DJ was taking us back…

…so using the power of the schwexiness of that choone and my bum (because that’s what the Backbones of my society like…the bum…and I have a bum that crosses the dividing lines of love)  me and my bum dropped it like it was hot all up down and around Marcus.   Which was no mean feat as I had heels on and they were high and tight and my bunions were screaming and Marcus was cuter than  life!

Quick version, I danced, he responded, he took my number and gave me his.  At that point though, I was still in EX mode and although Marcus was ticking boxes left right and centre, all I could think about was my EX.  All my EX’s friends were at the club but he wasn’t…

But anyway…When we leave the club Marcus calls me like in an hour of him getting home.

I smile a lot in the cab with Cassie. Then me and Marcus, or Marcus and I…whatever… stay on the phone until the morning. Real morning.  Not after club morning, I mean time to say bye, because he has to sleep before he goes to work in the evening, and because I have to jump into the shower for a minute, then get dressed in a minute, and my hair did in a minute and then get to work in thirty minutes because that‘s all that’s left.

Soul, I was amazed Marcus wanted to talk to me for that long. I was just waiting for when he wanted to put the phone down, because I was never gonna hang up, I was ready to call in sick and stay on the phone until the wedding…

Quick version.  We phone a lot, we relate a lot, a lot, our souls are twinned, and his sign is compatible with mine, and his looks are good, and my look suits his good look, and his sex fits my sex.  And we have sex a lot.

And then it all STOPS. I didn’t say anything.  I didn’t do anything. I just rang when I was supposed to. I didn’t argue for real for real…Oh my gosh no wait…I mean…is she for real?

Like I know I’m about 100 years too old to care, but Really Nicki Minaj? Stupid Hoe? Like for real? Wait, wait (sorry Soul) I have to ring Mags, because we always do the music video thing, because she’s the most like me. (Except she’s not in  LAST place)

Just spoke to her quickly; she saw it, just a bit though because she‘s going out. This is why Mags is in first place. She goes out, not with other girls but with her man.

I think I may need to find a new time to write in you Soul!  After work I’m tired, I get easily emotional so I abruptly end our conversations.  Maybe after dinner…I’m most always happy after eating…hmm…

Anyway something goes wrong in mine and Marcus’ relationship. Rings all the time, then he doesn’t ring so much, and then he doesn’t ring at all, because I do all the ringing.  And I only do all the ringing because he seemed to forget how to ring. So I accept that.  And I accept that he doesn’t like talking on the phone for long (even though in the beginning I remember he did).  I accept that he doesn’t like going out with girls he’s just ‘seeing’ because it gets confusing and people talk (I remember he didn’t care when we went out twice in the beginning). I accept that he has to come round really, really late because of his busy work schedule (even though he’s been in the same job since we met and he used to be able to make more time).  And I accept that he doesn’t always talk before or after we have sex because he has to go soon (even though sometimes I used to fall asleep in his arms he talked so damn much).  I take all of that acceptance and accept the fact that he doesn’t want to be my husband and move me up in the game.  Accept that he just wants to bang me and pretend that that’s what I wanted anyway.

So after it all went pear shaped I decided to back off, and every time is meant to be the last, and since I said NO MORE, (mentally because I don’t want to jinx it) I’ve gone back FOUR times.

But today will be the last, because on the journey home, I realized that I was using Marcus and he was using me. Which was not meant to be so apparent; it’s supposed to be hidden underneath love, and marriage, and kids and all.  Anyway it’s late…

Trust this to come on when I’m in Marcus mode. OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS! OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS! OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS! OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS! OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS! OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS! OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS! OH WHITNEY! OH MARCUS!

Ebs xxx 😦

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From → The Soul Pages

2 Comments
  1. Ness permalink

    ‘it’s supposed to be hidden under love, marriage..’ wow that was so on the nose. Deep.
    Oh yeah, you don’t stay on the phone till Marming! Read The Rules?

  2. The Soul Pages permalink

    Ness,

    I NEED TO HAVE A POCKET COPY OF THE RULES!!!

    SIGH

    Ebs xxx

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